Chapter Twelve: The Triple Threat

So far, we know that Shelly likes to skype and that she likes to walk around in her unmentionables. We also know that she takes an awfully long time on the john. But, what do you get if we put all three of these things together?! Awkward. You get awkward.

 

 

So one day, Evy, Darcy and I, were sitting on the couch doing our homework. We heard Shelly yell out to Darcy something about a power cord. We thought she was in her cave so Darcy went in there and she was no where to be found! We heard Shelly yell again and it was coming from the bathroom!

 

 

Darcy went up to the door and asked if she was okay. Shelly replied that she needed help with the power cord to her computer. While she was on the commode...

 

 

Shelly unlocked the door for her and Darcy squeezed in. Evy and I heard some chatting but couldn't make anything out. The door then opened and Darcy come out like this:

 

 

Darcy then proceeded to tell us that Shelly was in there, on the porcelain bowl. Skyping her ex. Not wearing a shirt. I had no idea that so much awkward could happen at one time.

Chapter Eleven: The Sink

There's always that silent (or spoken) rule that you clean up after yourself. You learn that as a child. I understand it's different when you're in your personal space like your room or desk, but when you share something like a kitchen or living room, it's just common courtesy to clean up after yourself. When you get to share even smaller spaces like the fridge or the sink, I feel like that's just a disaster waiting to happen.

 

One day, I walked in the door and it smelled kinda funky. I subconsciously I made a face like this:

 

 

At first I thought it was the toilet again...(we all know what happens in there) and then I thought, "Well maybe it's the devil's cologne..?" (the pumpkin spice air freshener for the bathroom...). It wasn't either of those things! I walked into the kitchen and it was just so ripe. I went over to the sink and there was the source. Half of the sink was full of nasty, dirty water with dishes floating in it, being "soaked" for their own good. I then saw they were Shelly's dishes. I tried to be cool, I counted to ten, did some breathing exercises, but eventually I just had to tell myself that if it wasn't cleaned up by the next day, I would need to confront her.

 

 

Of course, it wasn't cleaned up by the next day...in fact, it was worse. Shelly liked to make herself some good steak every Sunday and usually didn't finish it. She just threw the uneaten pieces into the sink, along with potato chunks or whatever she ate with it. Not even trying to put it down the disposal. It smelled horrific. Shelly then came waltzing into the kitchen and I casually asked her if those were her dishes still in the sink. She said they were and I asked when she was going to clean them. She simply replied "They're soaking." In my mind I relayed probably three or four ways I could've choaked her...

 

I told her it was starting to smell because of her left over food on the other side of the sink. She promptly went to the bathroom and grabbed the devil's cologne. It was like it happened in slow motion. She started spraying it all over the kitchen.

 

 I just had to run out of there. I honestly could not believe the smell could get worse. Then it did. You know that saying, "It can only get better from here." yeah, that didn't apply to this situation apparently. I just had to leave. I let some steam off at a friends place and returned some hours later to a surprisingly fixed kitchen. I'm pretty sure windows and doors were cracked to release the toxins. Nonetheless, life was good again.



Chapter Ten: Fridge Space

I know not everyone is super organized. Heck, in my room all my clothes are on the floor and there's papers all over the dresser. Our fridge wasn't very organized either. We didn't have much in there at first. We also had a very tiny freezer so we split it into four sections and we each got a corner. Well, at first it worked great! We would only get things if we could fit it in our corner but then, disaster struck.

 

Whenever we would go to the grocery store Shelly would tell us not to buy too much food because she needed space in the fridge too. FIRST of all, she already owned a good 65% of the fridge. SECOND of all, she started putting her freezer food on top of all of ours because she couldn't fit it in her corner anymore. THIRD of all, we love food just as much or even more than the next fellow. FOURTH of all, she had open bags of food all over the place. I found an angel food cake behind our living room table....and FIFTH of all:

 

 

So when she asked us to save her space in the fridge, you can imagine what went through our minds.

 

We never mentioned anything to her about it, we just kindly fixed where her food should properly be.

 (If it would fit...)

Chapter Nine: Clean dat Joint

Cleaning isn't that much of a science. You wipe stuff and you sweep stuff. It's not that hard. As long as it gets clean it doesn't matter.

 

 

The first incident I was cleaning my plate and there was cheese stuck to it so I was using the sponge on the scrubby side. Shelly walked in and decided that I was going to scratch my plate. She told me that I should never use that side of the sponge because it'll just scratch stuff up. I was over there just like:

So I switched the side of the sponge while she was there and then switched it back after she left.

 

Livin' life on the edge, I know...

 

The second incident was during finals week. I was using Clorox wipes and was on my hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor. She first told me I should spray the whole floor then wipe it up. 

 

That's basically just spreading around water then soaking it up. I was actually scrubbing the floor with something that would clean it.

 

 I was trying to clean everything I was supposed to before it was time for me to go back home to Texas. I got a lot done but I had to pack and I didn't want to say goodbye to my friends at all. I felt like I was running out of time. Shelly heard me venting and came out of the bathroom and said, "Maybe you should've started earlier, like me." I politely replied, "Well I've just been studying for finals and things." She replied, "So have I." I tensely said, "ok." and left it at that.

 

I couldn't take it anymore!!