Chapter Fourteen: Phantom of the Opera

The first day I met Shelly, we were talking about the classes we were taking and I mentioned a vocal class that I signed up for. She immediately began to tell me about how amazing she was at singing and that that was the one thing she was good at. She told me that if I ever needed any help that I should come to her.

 

Well, one night we were together with some friends to carve pumpkins. She had a crush on one of our friends and so she walked in there like this, completely ready to impress him:

 

She put her Phantom of the Opera CD in. At this point I had only really heard her sing in the bathroom, whether it was in the shower or during one of her sessions. So I had no idea what was really going to come out of her mouth. She really wanted to show off to him so she started to sing along and I immediately could not believe her statement from the first day. It was as if a ribbon got stuck in her throat so when she sang, it just flapped around in all directions. You know like those old ladies that sing in church?

Now it wasn't terrible, it was just that I would rather listen to the good singers on the CD. She thought she was doing fabulous. My roommates and I made eye contact with one another and immediately all knew what the other was thinking:

 Yikester bikester. She didn't stop! She sang about half the CD, especially the really, really high parts because "she could do those really well". Now whenever I see or hear Phantom of the Opera, I'm just like:

 

Chapter Thirteen: Halloween

It was Halloween and craziness was in the air. I woke up from my nap to see a devil cat staring at me. This wasn't just any devil cat, it was Shelly. Let me just give you a visual of her outfit. She had Darcy skip eating dinner to straighten her hair for her.  She wore a collar with a bell attached and black lipstick with heavy eye liner. Shelly wore a red shirt with black pants and she had these fluffy cat ears that were red on the inside. It reminded me of devil horns (hence the devil cat). She had fangs, a tail, and her fingernails were long enough to be claws. I'm pretty sure she even had fake eye lashes...let's just say it was a little over the top...

 

 

 

Well she decided she wanted to hand out candy to whoever came and knocked on the door. She even purchased this candy herself (so she was fully commited). After she put it all in a big bowl, Darcy and Evy announced they were going trick-or-treating. Shelly got a little jealous and decided she wanted candy too, even though she had a huge bowl full of it in her lap. So she got a plastic bag and wrote a note on it that explained the whole thing about how she was passing out candy. She even said that she was dressed as the Holy Ghost and that's why you couldn't see her. Witty right? In her mind she was like:

 

but in our minds:

 

So after the girls got back they gave her the plastic bag full of candy, but apparently there wasn't enough in there.Since she was complaining of so little candy, I explained to her that they did trick-or-treat on a college campus full of student that have no money. In my mind I was like, "Are you serious? YOU HAVE A BOWL FULL OF CANDY IN YOUR LAP. YOU HAVE A FOOT HOLDER FULL OF CANDY IN YOUR CLOSET. I WALK INTO YOUR ROOM AND SEE TWIZZLERS, M&MS, AND COTTON CANDY ON YOUR DESK AND YOU WANT MORE?! Girl please..."

 

 

 

 

Chapter Twelve: The Triple Threat

So far, we know that Shelly likes to skype and that she likes to walk around in her unmentionables. We also know that she takes an awfully long time on the john. But, what do you get if we put all three of these things together?! Awkward. You get awkward.

 

 

So one day, Evy, Darcy and I, were sitting on the couch doing our homework. We heard Shelly yell out to Darcy something about a power cord. We thought she was in her cave so Darcy went in there and she was no where to be found! We heard Shelly yell again and it was coming from the bathroom!

 

 

Darcy went up to the door and asked if she was okay. Shelly replied that she needed help with the power cord to her computer. While she was on the commode...

 

 

Shelly unlocked the door for her and Darcy squeezed in. Evy and I heard some chatting but couldn't make anything out. The door then opened and Darcy come out like this:

 

 

Darcy then proceeded to tell us that Shelly was in there, on the porcelain bowl. Skyping her ex. Not wearing a shirt. I had no idea that so much awkward could happen at one time.

Chapter Eleven: The Sink

There's always that silent (or spoken) rule that you clean up after yourself. You learn that as a child. I understand it's different when you're in your personal space like your room or desk, but when you share something like a kitchen or living room, it's just common courtesy to clean up after yourself. When you get to share even smaller spaces like the fridge or the sink, I feel like that's just a disaster waiting to happen.

 

One day, I walked in the door and it smelled kinda funky. I subconsciously I made a face like this:

 

 

At first I thought it was the toilet again...(we all know what happens in there) and then I thought, "Well maybe it's the devil's cologne..?" (the pumpkin spice air freshener for the bathroom...). It wasn't either of those things! I walked into the kitchen and it was just so ripe. I went over to the sink and there was the source. Half of the sink was full of nasty, dirty water with dishes floating in it, being "soaked" for their own good. I then saw they were Shelly's dishes. I tried to be cool, I counted to ten, did some breathing exercises, but eventually I just had to tell myself that if it wasn't cleaned up by the next day, I would need to confront her.

 

 

Of course, it wasn't cleaned up by the next day...in fact, it was worse. Shelly liked to make herself some good steak every Sunday and usually didn't finish it. She just threw the uneaten pieces into the sink, along with potato chunks or whatever she ate with it. Not even trying to put it down the disposal. It smelled horrific. Shelly then came waltzing into the kitchen and I casually asked her if those were her dishes still in the sink. She said they were and I asked when she was going to clean them. She simply replied "They're soaking." In my mind I relayed probably three or four ways I could've choaked her...

 

I told her it was starting to smell because of her left over food on the other side of the sink. She promptly went to the bathroom and grabbed the devil's cologne. It was like it happened in slow motion. She started spraying it all over the kitchen.

 

 I just had to run out of there. I honestly could not believe the smell could get worse. Then it did. You know that saying, "It can only get better from here." yeah, that didn't apply to this situation apparently. I just had to leave. I let some steam off at a friends place and returned some hours later to a surprisingly fixed kitchen. I'm pretty sure windows and doors were cracked to release the toxins. Nonetheless, life was good again.



Chapter Ten: Fridge Space

I know not everyone is super organized. Heck, in my room all my clothes are on the floor and there's papers all over the dresser. Our fridge wasn't very organized either. We didn't have much in there at first. We also had a very tiny freezer so we split it into four sections and we each got a corner. Well, at first it worked great! We would only get things if we could fit it in our corner but then, disaster struck.

 

Whenever we would go to the grocery store Shelly would tell us not to buy too much food because she needed space in the fridge too. FIRST of all, she already owned a good 65% of the fridge. SECOND of all, she started putting her freezer food on top of all of ours because she couldn't fit it in her corner anymore. THIRD of all, we love food just as much or even more than the next fellow. FOURTH of all, she had open bags of food all over the place. I found an angel food cake behind our living room table....and FIFTH of all:

 

 

So when she asked us to save her space in the fridge, you can imagine what went through our minds.

 

We never mentioned anything to her about it, we just kindly fixed where her food should properly be.

 (If it would fit...)

Chapter Nine: Clean dat Joint

Cleaning isn't that much of a science. You wipe stuff and you sweep stuff. It's not that hard. As long as it gets clean it doesn't matter.

 

 

The first incident I was cleaning my plate and there was cheese stuck to it so I was using the sponge on the scrubby side. Shelly walked in and decided that I was going to scratch my plate. She told me that I should never use that side of the sponge because it'll just scratch stuff up. I was over there just like:

So I switched the side of the sponge while she was there and then switched it back after she left.

 

Livin' life on the edge, I know...

 

The second incident was during finals week. I was using Clorox wipes and was on my hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor. She first told me I should spray the whole floor then wipe it up. 

 

That's basically just spreading around water then soaking it up. I was actually scrubbing the floor with something that would clean it.

 

 I was trying to clean everything I was supposed to before it was time for me to go back home to Texas. I got a lot done but I had to pack and I didn't want to say goodbye to my friends at all. I felt like I was running out of time. Shelly heard me venting and came out of the bathroom and said, "Maybe you should've started earlier, like me." I politely replied, "Well I've just been studying for finals and things." She replied, "So have I." I tensely said, "ok." and left it at that.

 

I couldn't take it anymore!!

 



Chapter Eight: Peek-a-Boo

I'm sure we've all been caught off guard at some point...sometimes we'll scream, blush or run away. In this case there is a note of warning left on the door.

 

On Friday's our curfew isn't until one instead of midnight all the other days. So me and my friends were hanging out at my place until curfew. We were chatting and laughing, apparently not being too loud.

(Now before I go further, I should just let you know that Shelly liked to walk around in her unmentionables...)

 

It was about twelve thirty and I see a head peek around the corner. It was Shelly.

 

 

Anyways, before she came all the way around the corner she yelled, "What are they still doing here?!" Without us even replying she answered her own question, "Oh, crap...it's Friday isn't it..." She then proceeded to go back to her room and put on pants to then use the restroom.That isn't all!

 

 

The next day, I came up to my front door and saw a note. It read the following, "No male or female is permitted to be in this apartment past midnight on any day, unless they are residents. If person is found here past that time, they will be charged with trespassing." True story.

 



Chapter Seven: Black Out

I'm assuming everyone reading this has used a public bathroom. Sometimes in public restrooms the light has a timer. Some people find this out the hard way...One day, Shelly walked in the door after class furious. We asked her what was wrong and all followed her into the kitchen. I had never seen her this angry (except for after the election of course)! She then proceeded to tell us this story of valor and nastiness.

 

 

 

Naturally, after class, Shelly had to use the restroom. She went in and sat herself down to take one of her hourly long sessions. She decided to pull out her phone for entertainment while she finished her business. After a while the timed light went out and she didn't know what to do! She set her phone on top of the toilet paper dispenser and started finishing up. She stood up and knocked her phone off the toilet paper into the toilet! Into all of that mess!

And of course she proceeded to do what anyone else in their right mind would do. She reached her hand in and took it out.

 

 

 

 

That was when she came home angsty. She then asked to borrow my phone to call her dad.

 

 

 

But, of course I said yes...Once again, I didn't even know if she washed her hands! After she gave it back I used so much hand sanantizer to clean my phone, it's a miracle that my phone didn't drown in that stuff. 

Chapter Six: My Little Pony

I believe naps are the greatest thing of all time. They refuel you, create happiness and just generally make any one's day better. Am I wrong? Those of you that know me; know that I cannot get enough naps. You should also know that if someone wakes me up when I am not ready to be woken up, bad things can happen...

 

 

One day, I was taking my glorious nap between my morning and afternoon classes. I was asleep on my couch with my sweater blanket and my giraffe named Fast Freddie (A lovely giraffe if i do say so myself...). I suddenly was startled awake by Shelly laughing.

 

 

 

Haha ok not quite like that but I woke up not knowing what was going on. I tried not to think much of it and just rolled over with Fast Freddie in tow. The laughing soon turned into talking and giggling and I was soon wide awake. [Queue Katy Perry] Unable to sleep, I eavesdropped first to see if it was worth risking a conversation with her while I took my time getting ready for class. Shelly was talking to something that obviously wasn't listening. At first I thought she was skyping with her ex-boyfriend again. But then I realized I heard what sounded like a little kids show.

 

 

 

Shelly was watching My Little Pony at the kitchen table which is right at the entrance to the living room. I tried to block out the fact that she was talking to a bunch of little ponies in a screen but annoyance was growing inside of me. Soon enough it sounded like the ponies were mocking my nap time and in that instant I wished I was batman so I could do this:

 

 

I never said a word to her about it. She did it numerous times, not only with My Little Pony but with Spongebob and other kid series too. I even heard her tell someone that I was a heavy sleeper. I mean yes, I could've moved to my room but hey, who wants to get up in the middle of a nap?? Also, since when did Shelly do things outside of her room??

 



Chapter Five: Stellaluna

Well, Shelly wasn't very social. She stayed in her room most of the time, skyping/yelling with her ex-boyfriend or watching weird youtube videos (who knows where she found them). It was her little cave and sanctuary. One night, she decided to be social and sit with us out in the living room while we did our homework. We thought this was great at first because she was actually trying to put herself out there. The moment I heard her turn the volume all the way up, I knew this was going to be bad...our wonderful moment had turned disastrous.

 

 

 

We all have our favorite childhood book. I loved The Giving Tree and Shelly loved Stellaluna. Apparently you can have books read aloud to you on youtube...she was sitting close to me but on the other couch and singing along (I have no idea why there was singing, it's a book...?). I was laying down doing homework and just decided to rest my head for a few minutes until it was over and I could concentrate again. Just to let you know, Stellaluna has 3 to 5 parts depending on which version you choose to play. Now, I'm not sure which version she played but each part is 12 to 15 minutes long...here's a little snippet from that night of horror.

 

 

Just listen to that voice, with your volume all the way up...what you do after that, is up to you.

 

Well she watched the first two parts (well I assume just the first two based on how long I was out..) and then went into the bathroom. Evy woke me up and told me she just went into the bathroom. I was so glad, this meant I had, at the least, forty five minutes to finish my homework before she came back out.

 

YEAH!

 

For those of you who don't know my floor plan, the bathroom was just off of the living room. She started singing the opening theme song from Stellaluna like it was Broadway or something!! She didn't just sing it once, it was like it was on replay. I couldn't handle it...I was about to start pounding my head into the ground...

 

 

 

Well, the noise she was making started fading in to the background and I got going on my homework once again. It is truly amazing the humor that Heavenly Father has. Shelly was only in the bathroom for a record time of fifteen minutes.

 

 

I could not believe it! She came right back out and started watching Stellaluna again...I decided to just finish my homework the next day and just go to bed. Wise decision on my part...

 



Chapter Four: Alarm Clock

Technology has come a long way the past 10 years or so. Cellphones have become used for soo many things. You can text, call, play games, use it as a stop watch, clock, or even an alarm clock. It's not just cellphones that have developed either. Computers now have cameras that allow us to take pictures or video chat with others. I especially like to skype with my friends. Apparently so does Shelly...at night...all night...

 

 

 

My roommate Darcy lived in the same room as Shelly just across the hall from me and Evy. Shelly was very particular about their room. They were not allowed to sleep with the window open because "it would make Shelly sick". Darcy wasn't allowed to touch any of her candy, not like she would of course. (Shelly had a shoe holder on the closet door with a bunch of candy inside each shoe hole instead of shoes). Shelly has her own way about things....

 

anyways....

 

 

Darcy usually went to bed after Shelly did and one week, Shelly got into the habit of falling asleep while she was skyping her ex-boyfriend. Darcy thought this was pretty weird because Shelly's ex-boyfriend would just play his guitar and watch her sleep. BUT, being the wonderful roommate that she is, she would drag her chair over so she could reach up and turn her computer off for her. This continued for many nights. Darcy was starting to get a little fed up. She went in the next night and sure enough, Shelly's skype was up and brightly shining, filling the whole room with light.

Her ex-boyfriend just sitting there watching her sleep while he practiced his electric guitar. So, once again, Darcy dragged her chair over just like every other night and reached to close it. Darcy was getting really tired of taking care of her at this point and she accidentally closed the computer a little too loud. Shelly woke up and Darcy hit the floor and went into fetal position, hiding from Shelly's wrath for waking her up.

Shelly groggily started talking to herself saying "What? What happened?", and opened her computer back up to get back on skype. (wut.) While all of this was happening, Darcy was maneuvering to her desk and pretended she was reading. Yes, reading in the dark. Once Shelly called her ex-boyfriend back on skype he tattled! He told Shelly everything about how Darcy closes it for her every night. Darcy started to defend herself by saying "I thought you just fell asleep and didn't need it up! I'm sorry!" Shelly lost it at this point; she started yelling, "THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS THAT HE'S MY ALARM!"

 

 

 

 Just for the record, she had an alarm clock, and a cellphone with alarm clock capabilities, but hey, why on Earth would you use those when you can have some guy watch you while you sleep and then wake you up at the appropriate time??

Chapter Three: Prank War

For starters, I am very sneaky. Well at least I like to think I am. When there's a secret mission to be done, I WILL DO IT. Even if my cover is blown and I look all awkward and embarrassed like someone caught you picking a wedgie or something....plus I don't like losing to a bunch of loser boys. It all started with a simple scavenger hunt for Carlton to get his keys back from Cassie who took them the previous night. She wasn't going to keep them forever, she just wanted to have a little fun. We were even going to feed him dinner at the very end of it for a reward! It was all fun and games until he decided he didn't want to do it.

 really?

Before we get into this, here is a room key (haha get it? It's so punny!). Carlton lives with four other guys. His apartment consists of himself, Dustynn (Dusty), Francis, Ammon and Mr. Bear. Cassie's apartment consists of herself, Kaylie, Lola, Elizabeth (Lizzy) and then my apartment with me, Evelynn (Evy), Darcy and Shelly. Now we can get into this....Carlton and his posse decided they would get his keys back on their own terms. Now, the girls that live in Cassie's apartment usually leave the door unlocked. So the boys snuck over and stole their oval and bean bag chairs. Cassie and Lizzy soon after got home from class and Cassie ran across the parking lot to get revenge. She pulled out Carlton's key and stormed into the guys apartment. She grabbed the furniture unsuccessfully and stuffed Mr. Bear down her jacket knowing that the guys would not go after it there. Now, Mr. Bear is not just any normal teddy bear. Carlton loves this bear more than life itself it seems. While she was running away with Mr. Bear, Dusty tackled her and stole her keys right from her pocket! 

 

 

pretty much just like this, sadly...

So Cassie got up and ran as fast as she could so she could go lock herself inside and stash the bear. The guys thought this was going too far. So to try and make it a "fair trade" the guys raided Cassie's apartment, using their newly acquired key, while Kaylie was sleeping (of course) and the rest of the girls were in class. They took Lola's phone and Cassie and Lizzy's Texas flag and Texas clock (this is the biggest insult known to a Texan...well, aside from making fun of the way they talk or saying that Texas isn't the best state ever). Cassie went to go make a trade to get the phone and Texas paraphernalia back. They decided Lola's phone and the Texas things for Mr. Bear. They traded but of course the boys just had to be clever and kept the battery to Lola's phone.
 

pretty sure this is how Carlton felt....

 

Cassie soon realized they had the battery so she ran back to their apartment to confront them. There was another struggle and the boys got Carlton's keys back. They were pretty content on where they were at the moment. Us girls on the other hand needed to get ahead, and fast.

 

Meanwhile, while all of this was going on, I was in class. I kept getting texts for help and advice for good strategy. I was seriously debating leaving class...is that bad? But my friends needed me! 

 

why can't life have easier decisions...

 

Well class finally got out and I called Cassie right away. I practically ran to her apartment to see what I could help with. I ran in and we immediately devised a plan. I then learned that somehow in the jumble of things they got a key to my apartment as well. Thank you Darcy...

 

you had one job...

 

 

Well we got our ranks together and went over to Carlton's posse's apartment. We got Francis's home teacher to get them to open the door. We then sprinted in and grabbed their gamer controllers. Good one right? We all grabbed one and ran for our lives! We made it back safe with ALL of their controllers. We stashed them at Cassie's next door neighbors. Our band dispersed and waited for their surrender. All was well and we were winning. Victory right? Sweet, sweet victory...? NO. The gang came bursting into my apartment because they thought we stashed the controllers there. Evy's study group was over and was scared out of their wits! The boys started rummaging through everything. Everyone was in shock. Shelly came out of her cave to see what was going on and immediately started yelling:
 
GET OUT. NOW. I'M GOING TO CALL THE MANAGER AND GET YOU GUYS KICKED OUT. GET OUT!! NOW!!

I don't know what was going through her head as to why they were there but

this ^ is pretty accurate I suppose.

 
 
and then all of us girls were just sitting there like this:

 

I was trying so hard to keep from laughing. I was dying! The boys left and I sprinted over to Cassie's place. I ran in out of breath and died on the floor in a fit of laughter. I told the girls what happened and we all had a fit of giggles. The boys were so scared! In the end, everyone got their things back and we might have gotten in trouble a little bit with a dorm manager...potatoes, potawtoes... Needless to say, every time after that, if anyone was bugging us, we told Shelly and she took care of us.